Looking at an invitation card to a function celebrating the 50th Marriage Anniversary of a couple, a question came across my mind. What could be the secret of such a long relationship when in any other relationship, there are a lot more marital arguments over a wink rather than a mink!!
Two different people, with a different set of opinions living under the same roof daily for 50 years together is nothing short of an achievement. There are bound to be differences in day to day life. These differences are not anything major, just small things that make a big difference over a period of time. Just like wine, the older the relationship, the more mature it gets.
Meena reciprocates this small but thoughtful gesture from Mohan in the form of a hot and tasty lunch delivered to Mohan’s office well before his lunch time that Mohan relishes. Though Meena is not an expert chef by any standards, she makes it a point to cook his favourite dishes by learning new recipes.
Evenings are spent at the dinner table, discussing the day’s events rather than the idiot box, no matter how late it is in the evening.
After dinner time is spent in each other’s arms walking on the garden lawn or on the sofa alternately viewing each other’s favourite shows on the idiot box.
The day ends with a good night kiss and an affectionate hug from each partner, no matter even if they have had an argument. The couple is admired as an ideal couple at parties & get togethers.
Weekends are at home with both of them waking up late, helping each other with the household chores, enjoying a hot shower or massage together, watching each other’s favourite movies, followed by a occasional lunch or a romantic candle light dinner outside.
Long weekends are spent at their favourite weekend resort, planned well in advance to avoid disappointment after considering Mohan’s busy work schedule.
There is no such thing as a small thing that is unimportant to be left out. Every single issue can have a positive and a negative impact, every single gesture carries some weight.
The marital world provides a constant stream of “small stuff that makes a big difference”, and this small stuff accumulate into larger problems over time.
A supply of positive small stuff helps a couple feel loved and builds an attitude of caring and intimacy over a long period of time.
With the changing social demographics and social values, most of the couples view their relationship with a “grand gesture” approach.
After marriage life starts with exotic honeymoons, expensive gifts, lavish dinners, surprise parties and the like. What is missing is the filler of the small stuff in in-between time which is not considered important at all.
In reality, most of the working relationship is taking place in small, minute doses of the small stuff once the honeymoon period is over and the couples settle down in their daily grind.
Classic examples of small stuff that makes a big difference includes helping the other make the bed, putting wet towels in the bucket instead of the bed, keeping the bathroom dry, pulling up the toilet seat and drying it after use and the like.
These small but inconsequential gestures have a disproportionately large effect on the day to day experience of love and intimacy in regard to marriage.
Every one of these small positive gestures tells your partner, “I Love You And Care For You”, every day rather than the expensive dinners, gifts or vacations that are occasional in nature.
What’s The Big Secret Then About A Happy Relationship?
A relationship is like a two way street and takes effort from both the people. In a situation where one partner puts in all the work and the other takes it for granted does not work for long.
Statistics of divorced couples show that most of the divorces happen because of constant dissatisfaction between the partners over small minute things daily rather than the bigger things in life. This dissatisfaction in the long term takes the form of extra marital affairs and the like which leads to a loss of trust.
Maintaining a relationship over a period of time is like maintaining a garden where it requires nurturing in the form of soil, water, sunlight and most important of all weeding.
Weeds in a relationship is the small stuff, which if left unattended destroys the relationship. Small gestures like a occasional surprise gift or hugs and kisses are the nutrients and sex is what bears the fruits in the form of children and strengthens the roots of the relationship and supports the relationship as it turns older.
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