Mohan & Meena, happily married for the last 10 years, came from different worlds, when they were married. They had only one common thread, a common set of values. Their families knew each other, and when they met each other, they decided to take the leap, for the sake of their families rather than their individual habits and preferences.
It was a marriage of convenience, between two educated people, where their families happiness mattered more than anything else. Meena decided to sacrifice her career aspirations by choice even though Mohan had no reservations if she wanted to work.
After their honeymoon period, they settled down in their regular routine. By habit, Mohan is an early riser by nature, who prefers to exercise every morning. As a bachelor staying in a working men’s hostel, before his marriage, he prefers to prepare his own breakfast before he leaves for work.
Meena, on the other hand is a late riser and does not like to wake up early in the morning. She prefers to sleep late after Mohan has left.
Being organized by nature, Mohan plans out his next day’s schedule in advance to make sure that his wife’s sleep is not disturbed when he wakes up early in the morning.
Before going to bed, he hangs out his next day’s clothing in the bathroom and goes about his daily routine noiselessly so that Meena’s sleep is not disturbed. When she enters the bathroom after waking up, the first thing that greets Meena is a neatly wiped dry bathroom floor, a dry toilet seat pulled up, the wet towel and laundry tucked away in the washing machine and her toothbrush and toothpaste pulled out for her. Acknowledging Mohan’s genuine efforts while brushing her teeth, makes Meena smile and think “How thoughtful of him”.
The weekend is the maid’s day off, with both of them with both of them waking up late in the morning, helping each other with the household chores, enjoying a massage or a hot shower together, having lunch, and watching a movie together, followed by a occasional candle light dinner outside.
They both look forward to long weekends, as they both love long drives, particularly during the rainy season, and visiting their favourite weekend resort. All this is planned well in advance, thanks to Meena’s efforts to avoid disappointment after considering Mohan’s busy work schedule.
Meena does everything possible to keep Mohan happy, by involving him in her shopping endeavours to select dresses and colours of his choice. Mohan reciprocates in a similar manner by surprising her with gifts and helping out with her chores that makes her feel happy. All in all a couple who has adjusted with each other in spite of their differences in habits and personalities.
After a stressed out day at work, a cold, stale dinner lying on the table greets Rohan because Reena is going to be late at work and did not bother to inform Rohan that she will not be at home in time for dinner.
By the time Rohan has finished his dinner, Reena comes home and heads for the idiot box with her dinner plate in hand, to watch her favourite show. With a stressful day at work, Rohan wanted to relax and wanted a good night’s sleep, but the loud volume of the idiot box is too disturbing. The first and last thought that crosses Rohan’s mind every night is “Why does she have to be so inconsiderate in our relationship? Am I not important for her?”
Rohan spends his weekends at the club with his drinking friends, and Reena at kitty parties with her friends. They are hardly seen at home together during weekends. Long weekends are a curse for the couple which end up in arguments or sulking faces even if they are able to make a trip together.
In reality, most of the working relationship is taking place in small, minute doses of the small stuff once the honeymoon period is over and the couples settle down in their daily grind.
Classic examples of small stuff that makes a big difference includes helping the other make the bed, putting wet towels in the bucket instead of the bed, keeping the bathroom dry, pulling up the toilet seat and drying it after use and the like.
These small but inconsequential gestures have a disproportionately large effect on the day to day experience of love and intimacy in regard to marriage.
Every one of these small positive gestures tells your partner, “I Love You And Care For You”, every day rather than the expensive dinners, gifts or vacations that are occasional in nature.
Become an “expert” at managing the small stuff in your relationships and you wouldn’t have to worry about your happiness at all.
Small stuff problems require small solutions that don’t cost at all, yet the returns are tremendous.
A kind gesture, a hug, a smile, a brief conversation, a simple compromise, an apology, a loving touch don’t cost anything except time and commitment.
As long as these small things haven’t been accumulating, small stuff shouldn’t be hard to manage.
A relationship is like a two way street and takes effort from both the people. In a situation where one partner puts in all the work and the other takes it for granted does not work for long.
Statistics of divorced couples show that most of the divorces happen because of constant dissatisfaction between the partners over small minute things daily rather than the bigger things in life. This dissatisfaction in the long term takes the form of extra marital affairs and the like which leads to a loss of trust.
