An open relationship in the short term saved my marriage in the long term
Are marriages meant to be anything but a convenience for the other partner?
Every country has its own set of cultures and traditions. Even today, Indian culture is steeped in traditional values and customs, particularly in the rural areas, which can make it difficult to deviate from societal expectations, particularly those related to open relationships. It can be challenging to break free from the norm, particularly for women, as doing so may result in criticism and judgement because today also they are considered to be the weaker sex. I found myself feeling trapped in my marriage and saw no way out, until I decided to try something different which ultimately led to a positive change in my relationship.
Though ours was an arranged marriage, at the time of our first meeting, my husband had taken a very clear stand on his views about marriage. He wanted to get married only for the sake for his parents and as a means to continue his family, while for me it was a means of moving out of a joint family where the women did not have a say in personal matters, whether it was marriage or taking up a job to become financially independent.
Coming from the same set of cultural values, we hitched up with each other, only for the convenience of the families and following the societal norms. We had a clear understanding that though we would be staying in the city, ours would be a marriage of convenience.
The convenience of managing the house, the kids, and the convenience of free sex whenever my husband desired!! We both were in a relationship, where we both respected each other, and were the best of friends, both in good times and in bad. However, I wanted my husband to be more than a friend. I always had a desire for a husband who would truly love me unconditionally and not merely use me in his bed!! But my desire never materialized.
is it a crime to dream about another man in your life when you're married?
I had reached a breaking point in my marriage and decided to take a bold step that would change my life forever. With both my parents and in-laws having expired, life had given me an opportunity to be free from the bondage of being a convenient housewife. Despite my initial hesitations about cheating on my husband, I wanted to experience true love, the love of a man and a feeling of being important in a man’s life.
I had an honest conversation with my husband about my feelings and we both acknowledged that our feelings for each other had faded after 15 years of being together, but we agreed to maintain a respectful companionship in our marriage, this time for the sake of our children.
It’s but natural to have thoughts and feelings about the possibility of your partner being with someone else. This is particularly so if there are feelings of uncertainty and doubt in the relationship. Having found myself trapped in a loveless relationship for more than 15 years, I found myself imagining other possibilities in my own relationship, as my husband is often busy and doesn’t prioritize me. Separation was not the option, as it involved too many complications, particularly regarding the children and societal values.
The beginning of a new chapter in life
In other words, he wanted me to continue being his wife but also have the freedom to explore other relationships.
He got me started in a career in a men’s boutique where I had the liberty of meeting men of all ages and cultures, both married and unmarried.
Even though I was married, and a mother two teens, I never acted as a married woman and some of the unmarried men also proposed to me!!
I was having a great time, both in my career and my personal life. I met many people who made me feel special, both romantically and sexually. These experiences emboldened me further and I decided to undergo a complete make-over for my personality.
My haircut, my dressing sense, my physical appearance, everything. This was difficult for a person who was always dressed in traditional dresses to switch over to western wear, which brought out the best in my figure, sometimes even revealing my figure.
Attending parties and events with men had almost become a norm and so was having a drink or two with them. For a girl coming from a conservative background, this was something uncommon. Though my husband did not mind it, I had already set my limits before going over.
My newfound happiness in my job was obviously reflecting in my new personality, though, unknown to me, my husband had also started to take notice of my changed personality. Whether, it was the new hairdo or a new dress, he would be the first to comment with naughty text messages.
Why am i falling for my husband's charms?
Without being possessive, he would ask more about my day, in order to build up the bridges. He had suddenly started taking interest in me and my new personality.
Flattering compliments compliments about the new hairdo, the new dress, even something as minute as the new shade of nail polish, were getting too awkward for me.
To add to that, surprise gifts and expensive candle light dinners. I had never expected this turn of events in life in my wildest dreams.
Although though I was relishing my newfound freedom, I suddenly realised that, I was actually falling for his vile charms and getting attracted to him!
fatal attraction
One rainy day, it so happened that I was supposed to attend a party in the evening and went home early to get ready.
The kids were out on a school trip and as my husband was also was not at home for dinner.
When I reached home, I could not turn on the lights as there was a power cut. I suddenly froze for a moment when I found a hand on my shoulder. It was my husband!
He had come home earlier than usual due to the heavy rain. Before I could ask him anything, he suddenly got up, grabbed my waist, and started kissing me like a man possessed.
Before I could realize, I had completely surrendered to him and dropped down my clothes to the floor! For the first time, I had willingly got naked for him!
We had the finest sex that entire evening and lasting till the wee hours of the morning, the type which I had never experienced, particularly in all these years of my marriage. That evening, he made me feel wonderful, adored, and special and satisfied me to my heart’s content.
Lying naked in each other’s arms, my husband candidly admitted that even though he was the one who suggested the idea, he was beginning to feel a little jealous of me after seeing me with other men. And he wanted to possess me desperately once and for all!!
My husband’s craving for me was all that I ever wanted all these years. Having got him back in my life, I quit my job as we had mutually rediscovered our feelings and our intimacy for each other with this weird, but effective experiment.
I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that this approach would help save our marriage, but it did, though in an unexpected way.